I have found that having a chronic condition is like exploring a new country every day. Some days you find new things (AKA symptoms) and other days you find nothing. And some days you find a whole mountain of new things (a flare) and you need to get over the mountain so you can continue on the exploration of this new country.
That was a pretty lane example of what living with a chronic condition is like but it is the only think I can really think of (except from The Spoon Theory) that I can liken a chronic condition to. Every single day is different
I never thought I would see the day that I would need a heat pack for my toes, but today happened to be the day that I needed it… My heat pack wasn’t big enough to go around both my feet so I had to alternate, heat pack under my toes and then heat pack on top of my toes.
Yesterday was also a bit of an experience since it was the first time
I have needed 5 heat packs on one joint, and that was in the evening! It isn’t unusual for me to need 5 heat packs on an evening but for a variety of joints, not just one!
But experiencing these teaches me things about myself, I know my limitations, I know when my body isn’t happy and I’ve pushed myself too hard.
I’m sitting here now with a heat pack on my knee and I don’t feel angry or upset at all…. I think I’ve finally managed to accept that this is reality.
I am a determined person and I am aiming to get treatment for whatever is going on with my joints. But this is a completely different goal to what I had last year, or even last month. I realise now that a diagnosis, although it may help, is not the most important thing. Treatment is. Yes, a diagnosis would be nice, but 7 years on, I highly doubt I will be getting a diagnosis anytime soon. And I am okay with that!